Tuesday, October 21, 2008

I may be dumb, but at least I'm not a dumb thief.

We live in what most people (including me) would consider the boonies and, I've got to tell you, Mayberry just doesn't exist. Despite living in the woods where there are more deer than people and every family could adopt their own bear if they like, we have our fair share of drunks, drug addicts, police chases, rapes, murders, crappy parents and jackass kids. Somehow, no matter how long the weekly police blotter, this environment has a way of lulling people into a false sense of security.

I'm somewhat active in my development. Most of my involvement revolves around rule-breakers, including punk-asses. I KNOW that people suck.

So why can't I ever bother to lock my car?

Last night, I couldn't sleep. Just after midnight, I headed downstairs to heat me up some leftover mac and cheese for a Colbert marathon. Standing in front of my kitchen window, I saw that the interior light was on in the husband's car. He and J had come home from their music lessons, juggling guitars and music books after 8, so it was pretty easy to assume that one of them (probably J) had left a door ajar.

Being after midnight, the husband didn't quite grasp what I was saying when I told him his light was on, so he walked over to the front door, checked the locks, and turned the porch light out. He wasn't exactly fully-functioning. When he realized what I had actually said, he went out and turned the car's light off, came in, and went to bed.

This morning, he went to get his laptop out of the car to do "paper"work. Isn't it funny how it's still called paperwork? It's too bad these things aren't done on paper anymore, b/c the laptop is gone. So is the backpack full of clothes the girls had taken to Grandma's this weekend.

Yup, we are idiots who almost never lock our cars. And it finally bit us in the ass.

So, we've been doing the report filing thing today. That's been fun. The company is trying to remember whether or not they kept the computer lojack service. I'm trying to get past the oogy feeling that comes with finding your little girls' underwear scattered in trees (along with the rest of their clothes).

But these punks are morons. Sure, they got a laptop. But they chose to grab a bright pink, giant backpack, rather than a computer bag that had an external hard drive in it, a digital camera, or CDs. Even stranger, they dumped the clothes and took the giant pink backpack with them. Because what punk-ass is complete without one of those?

Sadly, I feel a bit better knowing that several of my neighbors were also hit last night. At least I'm not the only idiot.

So, punk-asses, when I see you walking around with a giant pink backpack, be prepared for an ass kicking. I'm not afraid of anyone who would put a higher value on that than on a heavy computer bag. And I'm pissed about my kids' underwear. Do you have any idea how much Tinkerbell panties cost, you stupid freaks?

I'm also not afraid of jail. I've been craving a vacation.
And I'm training my dogs to think all strangers are the UPS man.
I used to watch wrestling.
Bring it.


Miss Thystle said...

That blows. At least they didn't steal the whole car. That's what happened to me. And then they've TRIED to steal it two more times. From my driveway even.

Of course, I live in the ghetto, so that's to be expected on some level, I suppose.

PearlsOfSomething said...

Fortunately, this was one of the rare times dh didn't leave his key in the center console. Then again, I'm not sure if punk-asses know how to work a Prius key. Probably.

Me- I did leave my keys in my car. But dh was parked behind me.

Mini-update: Security paid a visit to the house across the street around noon. Their burglar alarm went off.
I think I might feel safer in the ghetto right about now. :(

Amy said...

Scary. The violation is scarier than whatever they took, I know.

Judy M. said...

I am so sorry this happened--I had my cell stolen in VA on the one night I left my car unlocked, which made me wonder how many nights someone had come by trying my car door. It's a very violating feeling to know some thief has been in your car.

But, really, you made me laugh. Here's hoping you DO spot some punk with a big pink backpack and Tinkerbell underwear. :)

kwr221 said...

ugh, I'd be so pissed.

Lorrie Veasey said...

So sorry this happened! I know too well the feeling of violation and regret. Dirtbags. Scum. I wish i lived closer so i could join your neighborhood watch. I'd be the one with the pitchfork and lantern.