Aaannd CUT! That's a wrap.

I have officially come out the other side of the holiday alive and well. I have been filled with enough joy, love, and sugar to last me 11.5 months. My kids have enough crap to keep them from asking for anything until their birthdays (which are conveniently clustered in the warm months of the year). I have good coffee, good books, good craft supplies, and a husband who is on vacation until the new year. Hopefully, I won't go nuts before he goes back to work. Distance DOES make the heart grow fonder, really.

I had so many little stories I thought about sharing, but my brain is complete mush in this post-frenzy period. Let's just say that H will be coached to NOT quote The Family Guy at the next family gathering. Apparently, she likes to stray from the Mom-approved script. And allowing yourself to be baited into a family (metaphorical) pissing contest is no more fun when you win than it is when you lose. That was a disappointing lesson for me to learn. As was discovering that C seems to have learned hotel behavior from watching VH1's Behind The Music while we're asleep.

I'll probably continue to neglect my blog for the next few days. I put a lot on hold this month, then rushed to get Christmas in order, and now I really need to focus on catching up on everything I brushed aside. My plan is to ring in the new year bright eyed and bushy tailed and without dog hair in the corners of the stairs.

I'm also hoping to start over with my homeschooling blog, and I plan to unveil it with a giveaway on January 1st. I'd really like to make the giveaway about 10lbs of leftover candy, but I doubt there would be many takers. If there are, feel free to let me know. The kids will never notice.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and you're all recuperating nicely.

It's all good

Second cup of coffee. Half a dozen electronic toys beeping, blipping and blooping. Trash and candy everywhere. And an overwhelming feeling of peace, love and happiness. Who says it needs to make sense?

Deep breaths

I am a procrastinator and a semi-perfectionist. It is December 22nd. The next 4 days will be the most chaotic of the year, and my house is a wreck. It is time to stop and count to 10 before I turn into Lois Griffin.

"You all think Christmas just happens. You think all this goodwill just falls from the freakin' sky, WELL IT DOESN'T! IT FALLS FROM MY HOLLY JOLLY BUTT! So you can cook your own damn turkey, wrap your own damn presents, and hey, while you're at it YOU CAN ALL RIDE A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH TO HELL!"

I'm cheaping out on this post

Lorrie says I need to post something, so I'm stealing her holiday survey. It's been a rough couple of weeks, and I just haven't had anything amusing to say. Hopefully, this will buy me some time.

WRAPPING PAPER OR GIFT BAGS?
Both. I don't mind the time it takes to wrap rectangles, but I'm not about to spend hours trying to figure out the corners of a hexagon or attempting to make a pretty arrangement around something shaped like a snowman. If it can't get in a box, it's gonna go in a gift bag.

REAL TREE OR ARTIFICIAL? ANGEL OR STAR ON TOP?
Real. And we usually cut it down ourselves. There have been a few years, including this one, when we've purchased a pre-cut tree. Trekking through the woods with toddlers and saws just isn't as much fun as my parents made it seem.

I grew up with a star. The husband grew up with an angel. The husband benefits greatly from keeping me happy. We have a star.

EGGNOG-YES OR NO?
Yes. But now I have to share.
We mostly stick to kid-friendly eggnog. My kids were never really big fans. All of a sudden they are, and I'm lucky if I get the last few drops. My hips seem to be somewhat grateful.

HARDEST PERSON TO BUY FOR?
My mother-in-law. We are very different people

DO YOU HAVE A NATIVITY SCENE?
Nope. I don't even have anywhere to put one.

FAVORITE CHRISTMAS MOVIE?
The Family Man. Okay, maybe that doesn't count as a "real" Christmas movie, but I love it. I love all Christmas movies. John Denver and the Muppets probably top the list, followed closely by Emmit Otter's Jug Band Christmas. And The Grinch. And Charlie Brown. And Little Bill. And It's A Wonderful Life. And White Christmas. And A Christmas Story. And all of the rest.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?
A nap that lasts until 2009.

Now I need to go decide who gets to punch the bulla down.

Math in pajamas

My kids work best when they're fresh. Not fresh and clean, just fresh out of bed. Even as an otherwise non-morning person, I teach best in the morning, too. We try to get as much school work in before lunch as possible, even if that means working with bad breath and bed head.


We don't even require matching jammies!


We're brushing up on telling time. It's not an easy skill to master when the only analog clock in your home is from Our Name Is Mud.


And you have to work extra hard when there's so much "help" being offered.


I was not a fan of collaborative learning until we started homeschooling. I was so wrapped up in individualized education, I became blind to the benefits of learning from others.


Now there's a very limited amount of one-on-one teaching in our house. We're big on group effort.


And we're very big on time chips!


Our ancient kitchen table has the scars to prove it.


It is now 1:07.

I hope Bambi is dead

I have never been a fan of hunting. Not that I'm an actual fan now, but I've gone from thinking it's a mean, despicable, unnecessary hobby to almost being willing to take up arms in effort to thin the herds of filthy, tick carrying, poop dropping rats with hooves.

But I can't even manage to secure scissors in my home. There's no way I could trust a gun safe with my maniacs around. Plus, hunting season starts on Cyber Monday, and I'm not missing that. And I hate the cold. And neon orange is not my color. And I doubt I could bring myself to touch a dead deer.

So, as I sat here surfing the internet, two loud shots rang out. I don't usually hear the hunters. Hunting not permitted in our development, and they usually go pretty deep into the game lands we border.

We do, however, have a lot of wack jobs around here. The SWAT team was behind my house a few weeks ago. We've had a string of burglaries. There was a suicide a few months ago. The convenience store down the road (conveniently located next to a gun shop) was robbed (again) last week. And I know where the drug dealers live. Some of them, at least.

Welcome to the country! To think, I used to dream about living in NYC.

So, as I sit here contemplating the gun shots I heard a few minutes ago, I hope Bambi is dead. But now I'll be tracking the news sites to be sure. I miss NJ.

I spy

I'm trying to find some time to play with my new camera. As it turns out, my brain has been leaking for the past decade, and I've lost a good deal of my photography knowledge. I have cute kids and automatic settings, so it isn't like I'm at great risk for awful pictures, but I feel like I should at least TRY to remember what's what.

But I hate owner's manuals. So now I'm just playing.


And then there's the shot that illustrates my life perfectly.

My house has some lovely architectural features. I love the beam. I love the trapezoid windows. But they're a pita to clean. Which is why I rarely clean them. So rarely, that I haven't been on a ladder to clean them since... well, since long before this wall sticky was thrown in the air.
It adds character, don't you think?